You tried to tell her, as well as you could, what it was like being you. You described the feeling you’d always had of being misplaced, of always standing to one side of yourself, of watching yourself in the world even as you were being in the world, and wondering if this was how everyone felt. That you always believed that other people had a clearer idea of what they were doing, and didn’t worry quite so much about why.
I should really, REALLY stop reading books right before bedtime. It always starts with “just a chapter or two” and always ends with with “three hours later and I’m still reading”
Do you go back and watch yourself as the episodes air?
I do. But it’s weird. I don’t really like it. It’s very bizarre. It’s very embarrassing. I won’t watch it with [my family]. They have to sit in another room. I don’t know, it’s just very strange watching yourself on-screen, because you are your biggest critic and everything. But I think it’s also a good thing that I don’t like it, because if you’re ever satisfied with your work, then that’s the end of your career. Because surely the thing that drives you is that you’re never satisfied.